Ching Peng

It’s been so long since I last updated this blog. Didn’t even realise i wrote so much here. It’s funny reading previous posts. Guess I really grew up along the way. For your information, I’m happily “registered”. And the lucky guy is… Mr Keith aka Gao~~ Want to know the “process of proposal”? Haha… Here it goes…

On that faithful day, it’s actually my birthday 4th March, we’ve planned that I’ll go S’pore to visit him since my class ended for that week. It was like the usual trip, me going to KL Sentral, then take the bus to LCCT, take the plane to S’pore and finally SMRT to Jurong Point. Although I can reach Sgp faster than taking a bus straight from KL, the process of reaching LCCT and Jurong Point already took 2 and a half hours. So by the time I reached Sgp, my stomach’s growling, tired, sleepy…

Since it was my birthday, he took me to the Japanese buffet in JP. All i could think of was, “gosh, i’m hungry. food, food, food, come to me~~”. However, he complained that the waiter gave us sit at such an ‘open’ area. I thought he didn’t like eating there. After a sumptuous dinner, we went back…

I was a bit disappointed when I reached his house. Coz there was no sight of Winnie the Pooh that I ‘indicated’ to him to buy for my birthday. Haha… He wished me Happy Birthday and took a cotton rose to me. “you really buy this for me only? Sobs…” That’s what i was thinking. I even searched in between the rose petals, just in case he wanted to give me ‘additional surprise’. But… it’s just a flower… He couldn’t stop smiling, his wicked smile and later took the big big Winnie the Pooh out… My mouth turned to a ‘u’ shape again.

I was busy playing with my ‘new baby’ when he suddenly took out a small, black box and asked “will you marry me?”. I was shocked, speechless, blank!

“Are you kidding with me?”

“No. Will you marry me?”

“But is this how people propose?” (he was sitting that time)

He stood up and knelt in front of me, before asking again, “will you marry me?”

I was so elated that I kept grinning and finally said a much awaited “yes”…

So that’s how he proposed. And finally, on 25th April 2009, we were declared ‘husband & wife’…

(tot of loading the pics here but friendster seems still lack of something. can’t load. sigh..)

It’s been a long time since I last updated this blog. Hm.. Miss the feel of expressing myself here =) Things are going rather smoothly , at this time. Life is full of… free time? Haha.. Already in final year, so I only took the last 2 courses. As a result…. my free time is… from thurs till sun!!! Muahahaha… Been getting lazier n lazier as time pass by. Guess it’s time to start the engine and do something meaningful. Any suggestions? =)

People used to say for women, giving birth is the scariest moment of their lives. But as today, it was the scariest moment I’ve ever faced!

Just after the English Enhancement class, roomie (LT) and I decided to go SS2 for our lunch. Next, we went to Amour to shop for some clothes. Sky started to look ‘gloomy’. So we hastened our pace, went to Bread Story and bought our dinner (Yep, bread for dinner. Staying in MC sucks!) By the time we came out of the shop, it already started raining…

The plan to get a haircut have to be postponed. The rain seemed getting heavier by the time we reached the car. When we were near the roundabout, the road was already flooded with rain water! “How? How? How?” That’s my first reaction =_=” Roomie directed me to another road, passing through seksyen 17. It was raining so heavily that we couldn’t even see the road! And she took me to a one-way road! -_-” Luckily there was no car around.

MC was bout 500m or so away from us when we were stranded at the bridge. Sigh.. The bridge was flooded with rain water whereas the cars can pass by the road beside the bridge without much hassle! I was undecided whether to cross the road or not. But the water seemed to keep rising! In the end, I took up the courage to be the first to drive through the flood. There was a car stalled halfway at the opposite side of the bridge. Fearing I’d be like him/her, my leg kept pressing the fuel =P And finally…. we reached MC!! Sobs.. sobs..

I guess without roomie beside me, I’d sure panic and cry hysterically in the car! =P The rain was so heavy that I couldn’t see the road. And lightning kept striking near us. LT, thank you ar. I will not go out under the rain liao. Hehe..

It’s kind of funny looking back at my own blog. Since year 2006 till now, i can see major changes in myself. But mostly on the negative side… Am i heading the right way? Sometimes it’s really beyond my control. Or should i say i’m not taking the right effort to control it? Found a ‘nice poem’ that i once wrote. Didn’t know i was ‘good’ in expressing myself that time!

“It’s been nearly one year

But it seems like yesterday

Things keep flashing back at times.

I’ve been trying hard to let go

And i’m still trying

The wound/memory/whatever it is, is too deep

We never made it clear

Or should i say i was scared of the truth?

I’m scared of confronting it, again

“Felt so being used!”

And i really mean it.

“Let it go, it’s not worth it.”

“You can never be ” ” with your best friend.”

So i learnt it the hard way

And ended up here…

I’m trying to move on

It’s time to let go…

I’m just too clinging to it

It’s wasting my time

Thanks, friends and YLS

I’m trying to indulge in these to ‘free’ myself

And here’s a song i wanted to dedicate to you

“别爱我像爱个朋友”"

That’s the poem that i wrote few years back. I guess it really affected me that time. Everything is cleared now. I know the truth, nothing but the truth. It might hurt but that’s the best that we can do. Knowing the truth rather than guessing for so many years.

I should go on with my life. Really sorry honey, for hurting you again and again with my mood swing. Thanks for being so understanding. Thanks for everything.

It seems difficult, but we manage to sail through the tough, one year. There are more to come, and i know you will take good care of everything for me. Thanks..

One year has passed by..

It seems like a dream

I used to envy others

But now, it is their turn to envy me

Coz i have found someone

Someone that means so much to me

So much that at times, i begin to neglect how he felt

Honey, please forgive sweetie..

I’ve learned my lesson

I’ve learned it the hard way

Sorry for hurting you

Sorry for not putting myself in your position

Both of us have our own commitments

But I will try my best

Do be patient with me

I have faith in you

For you are the one in my life

The one who does not mind how i look

The one who has done so much for me

The one who has cared so much for me

Thank you for everything

Thank you honey…

~To be continued~

     Sometimes, putting too high hope on something is stupid. It will only bring you disappointment. Maybe you shouldn’t have believed in it so much in the first place. Things can be as complicated as you hated. Do I really have to be like the child in "I Not Stupid II", saving money just to have that person spend some time with me?! Is it really too much for me to ask for some time together? Distance is really giving me a headache. I’ve had enough of it! It’s making me sick. How much longer do I have to wait? Are the promises really ‘true’? Sometimes I just doubted bout it. Not that I don’t believe in it, just that… there doesn’t seem to be effort in achieving it.

     Guys can be as stupid as gals when it’s in relationship things. Sorry to say so. But it really pissed me. I’m not those into long distant relationship person. And when I’m in it, it’s lucky that I can survive till 9 long months. People might say I’m selfish, but I don’t care anymore (notice the many, many "I" in this blog?). Who are they to judge me? If I’ve to take care of everyone’s thought bout me, who’s going to mind bout mine?! All these years, I’ve been worried bout how people think bout me. And what I get in return? I guess nothing! Why don’t you just watch yourself instead of judging others?

     I’m really tired, very tired… The phrase, "Noone worth your tears, the one worth it will never make you cry…", what a lie…

     Finally, I’ve taken the courage to change my style - dye my hair Used to think that dyeing will ruin the hair. But one day, while on ‘window’ shopping spree with sisters, i heard something that changed my mind. She said being a teacher in her school, she can’t dye her hair as she likes. There are just too many rules in her school. Besides, being a teacher means being the role model to students, setting good examples for them. Since I still have one year to go before practicum, why not give it a try right? There’s no harm in trying something new (I’m considered ‘out’. sigh..) Plus, changing the ‘quai quai lui’ look means a great deal to me. Even during first year, they already said I got the ‘teacher look’. Ouch~

     It cost me a lump sum but it’s worth it. Coz finally, I saw the true colour of someone, someone that never cross your mind will do such act to you. I was late for 45 minutes for a movie. I know it’s my fault. But before I could give any explanation, the tickets were tore into two and thrown into rubbish bin. How hurt was my heart to see such act. You might be asking why not contact that person but my phone’s with that person. How am I to sms or make phone call? With bad eyesight, I can’t even figure out who’s sitting beside me!

     It’s my fault for dyeing the hair. It’s my fault for being late, and I admitted, terribly late. The hair stylist kept telling me I’m late for the show. And I kept hoping the process will speed up. They told me it’ll take one hour plus to dye the hair. And the kind hair stylist tried to fasten his work, as he knew my ‘appointment’. I’m not sure whether the dye ’sticks’ to my hair besides the obvious middle part. But it doesn’t matter anymore. Coz my mood is dampen, heart’s broken. I’ve discovered a shocking truth that really hurts…

     Much have been said about comparing each other in our lives. Have you ever experienced such thing as you move along? I’m sure one or two crop up in your mind as you read along.

     It’s good to share your happiness or good things with others. But this ‘happiness sharing’ tends to turn to "i’m the best in the world" sort of thing. Some might not feel it but others are complaining about them. I’m not saying that you can’t share with your friends. However, there are limits to what comes from you. People might like what you say while some just listen and mind their own business. Once a friend told me to join along the "comparing session" since the other side can’t stop saying how good things turn out in their lives. But is this the suitable way to ‘tackle’ such situation?

     The more we try to compare, the more we’ll feel bad about it. Even if you win, does it mean anything? Noone cares and you still have to move on with your life! Be contented with what you have, and not showing it off to your friends.

You may be top of the whole today, but the bottom next day!

- Yeh man nai nai -

     Life seems like an endless comparing ’session’. From studies to boyfriends, people tend to compare about who being the most successful or luckiest. Is this how we should live our lives? Sometimes, people like to boast about their relationships, works, etc. Have they ever think of others feelings? You may seem the happiest of them all but do consider other people’s feelings. Be grateful that you can be with your loved ones more than them. There are never ending demands made by people. Just be grateful and happy about it. It’s useless to compare it with your friends. Their celebration might look simple to you. But it meant a lot to them. Valentine’s day, birthdays doesn’t mean you have to celebrate it in expensive ways. Simple meal and the most important of all, being able to spend the quality moment with loved ones is the thing you should appreciate.

     Noone is right or wrong in a relationship. Some may demand more from the relationship, others may feel comfortable with their simple ones. People might criticize you for being inconsiderate. But do they know what you expected from your relationship? Different people demand different things. They have their rights to give their opinions but you yourself also have the rights to choose what you wanted in a relationship.

     So dear friends, be contented with what you have and stop comparing. Like the chinese saying, "yan bei yan, bei sei yan". It might create a healthy environment to push you work harder but there are some things that can’t be compared… like relationship.

     All alone… again… Guess this year won’t be the same. Turned out i’ve to always be alone in the room. Where have all of them gone to? Well, with their own circle of friends, church members, boyfriends… Me? Dumped in this small room to pass the days.

     It’s a bad start i guess. Had argument with loved one during new year eve. All alone in the small small room, watching fireworks. It’s no more ‘lovey dovey’ relationship. It’s time to test our faith. Will it survive? I hope so.

     Can money really buy happiness? At the starting it can, actually. Flourished with all types of gifts, it’s like a honeymoon month. But later on… loneliness creeps in. Slowly, money doesn’t matter to you. All you want is just some precious time with loved one, someone to be by your side when you are down, sad, tensed, and of course, happy…

     What lies ahead of me… It’s too complicated. I take things a step too fast? Maybe. I’m inconsiderate? Maybe. I’m selfish? Maybe. I’m confused… Maybe i should just lay back, let things unfold itself… I’m too tired to think of it anymore… I’m slowly losing myself…again…

     Sometimes, you just wish someone’s by your side. Sometimes, you just wish someone can be near to you, giving you the warmth that you wanted so much… Sometimes, you are not sure whether it’s you yourself being selfish or reality is not always the way we wanted. Sometimes… I’m tired, mentally and physically. How long can i stand such so called suffering? I’m not sure. Maybe it’s normal but I’m too weak to go through it. Seems like things must be the easy way for me. When it’s complicated, I’d rather back off. But this is the commitment that we have agreed. I’m not going to back off anymore… but to suffer in silence? That’s stupid! Hanging on, I’m sure one day, we can be together. No more travelling, no more headache of when to take off, no more heartache, no more waiting…